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[Jul. 13th, 2008|02:58 pm] |
Title: Trapped (2/) Author: iteng
Spoilers: Wilson’s Heart
Pairing/Characters: House/Cameron; Cuddy (mentioned); Wilson; Chase; others.
Summary: House and Wilson goes on vacation. As soon as the young couple were out of earshot, Wilson shot House a surprised expression that he has been holding off. “What was that?” “Nothing.” “What do you mean nothing?” “It’s Cameron and Chase.” “Yes, I know. But when have you ever turned down free dinner?” Wilson looked at House incredulously. “I didn’t want to ruin their vacation. And did you see how Chase looked at me?” House shrugged. “Now when did Chase become the evil one that scares you away from free food?” Wilson asked. His voice registered his confusion at House’s behavior. “Oh please! When I am an asshole, you tell me to try to be a decent guy. Once I try to be a decent guy… you shred me to pieces about it. What do you want me to do? You’re a walking contradiction!” House was exasperated now.
Wilson kept looking at House. It dawned on him that House hadn’t ever tried to be decent about anything, so why would he start now? He figured it might have had something to do with Cameron. One thing was for certain: House’s behavior wasn’t about Chase.
*** *** *** “What was that?” “Nothing.” “What do you mean nothing?” “It’s House and Wilson” “Yes, I know. But did you really have to invite them to our table for dinner?” Chase’s voice laced with exasperation. “Now, we have to deal with whinny House telling everyone how stupid and inept we are at work.” “Oh please! He’s not that bad.” Cameron is a little defensive now. “What?! We’ve worked with the guy for years and you still don’t know him? Are you really that delusional?” Chase is now starting to get angry now. “No! It’s just that I thought it would be nice to catch up with both of them. Wilson seems a bit lost – you know about Amber. I think it would be good to have a few laughs tonight, just like the old times,” she said. Cameron was wondering why Chase is so worked up with House and Wilson having dinner with them. God knows there will be other people at the table too. “Just ignore them if you don’t want to talk to them,” Cameron said lamely. Chase shifted his gaze to the horizon. He figured he’d have two more competitors against Allison’s heart now. One was House, although she kept saying she didn’t feel any romantic inclinations towards their former boss anymore. However he knew that she had some residual admiration left. That was why she came back to PPTH. And the other competitor for her heart was Wilson, the recently heartbroken bachelor, with three ex-wives and strings of nurses on his record. Wilson was more complicated though, because with Wilson the pity factor went a long way. Chase had once been able to use the pity card to win a spot in Allison’s heart. Now that he was finally able to land a great job in the surgery department and he had finally gotten a portion of his father’s inheritance, there was nothing sad about his life anymore. Cameron loved sad. She gravitated to loneliness, sadness, and despair like parasite to its host. |
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| Trapped (1/) |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|02:56 pm] |
Title: Trapped (1/) Author: iteng
Spoilers: Wilson’s Heart
Pairing/Characters: House/Cameron (Eventually); Cuddy (mentioned); Wilson; Chase; Chase/Cameron
Summary: House and Wilson go on vacation. The view from the deck had a calming effect. It wasn’t healing unlike what most people would like to attribute to going on a cruise ship, but it was just soothing. The swaying of the ship lulled their thoughts to a ground less intimidating. Sipping their scotch, lounging in a lawn chair propped beside the pool, were two odd friends. One had a haggard and pained expression permanently pasted on his face, the other man a bit younger but had the same haggard expression. “Amber’s gone.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” “You never want to not want to talk. If there’s an award for wanting to share, you’ll be battling with Cameron for first place.” “Don’t…” Wilson shot a pleading look at House. House nodded, trying to decide a new topic. “Cameron…” Wilson started. “Oh please! Don’t tell me she had pity sex with you? That was certainly fast.” House rolled his eyes. “Hi! Wilson, House. And no, I did not screw Wilson.” Looking over at House, smirking. “What?! Did Cuddy send you to spy on us? Tell mommy we’ll behave. Promise.” House pouted. “No, I came with…” “Allison, where have you been… oh? House, Wilson.” Chase shocked to see both doctors lounging in beach chairs beside the pool. “Hey Cameron, Chase. Wow! Cuddy let you off on vacation?!” Wilson smiled tentatively. “Yeah, we’ve been planning this trip since last year. We mentioned it to Cuddy four months ago, got permission… and here we are.” Chase explained. “It didn’t cross my mind that she’d book you guys here as well. She asked about the cruise’s details two weeks ago. I figured she’d want some vacation time herself. Wilson and House looked sheepishly at each other. They know that Cuddy planned this little tête-à-tête for the four of them just in case they both stopped getting along while trapped on a cruise ship. Wilson still felt a twinge of anger towards House because of what happened to Amber. He also felt shitty for feeling that way which confused the hell out of him. That was the reason why he didn’t want to talk about it. House, on the other hand, felt tired of feeling guilty about Amber. He was tired of waiting for Wilson to blow up and tell him off. He was tired of dancing around the Amber issue. Cameron surreptitiously eyed House sensing his unease about the whole Wilson-Amber disaster. She figured that they haven’t really had ‘the talk’ and are trying not to go there. She also deduced that Cuddy probably booked Wilson and House with them to ensure that there would be referee between the two in case of violent disagreements. Although one look at Wilson showed that he won’t be crossing that line anytime soon. Chase was still puzzled as to why Cuddy would deliberately saddle him with Wilson and House. Cuddy had known he wanted to spend a couple of weeks alone with Allison outside of the hospital. It bothered him a lot that Allison had once had these strong feelings for House. Not to mention the now vulnerable Wilson, who by the way, was a known rake. He wasn’t comfortable having House and Wilson around at work, and hell, he certainly wasn’t comfortable with having them here on the ship. “We’re having dinner with the captain later, want to join our table?” Cameron sweetly asked. “No.” “Yes,” both House and Wilson muttered at the same time. House looked murderously at Wilson, willing him to desist this path of friendliness. But Wilson ignored him, smiled and said, “We would love to join you at dinner… if the captain is okay with it.” “Oh, Uncle Albert wouldn’t mind. He would love to meet you guys and probably tell odd jokes about my childhood.” Cameron smirked. ‘Uncle Albert?’ House mouthed to Wilson. Wilson ignored House, instead, “Sure we’d love to meet your uncle.” “Great! See you guys later.” Cameron linked her arms around Chase’s and walked towards the bar at the other corner of the ship. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|03:07 am] |
Title: I Miss You Author: iteng
Spoilers: Wilson’s Heart
Pairing/Characters: House/Cameron; Cuddy (mentioned/slight appearance); Wilson (mentioned)
Summary: House wakes up from surgery. It is itchy. Your face is itchy, possibly from you growing beard. You reach out to scratch it with your hand only to feel a certain restraint on your movement. You look over your right hand laced with another more delicate one. The hand is not hers. You groan from disappointment. Last time you woke up from coma, she was curled up in the seat next to you. She’s not here. Why? You recall a certain conversation… “I don’t miss you.” You feel a painful twist in your gut just thinking about it. She said it out loud, no remorse, and no anger – just plain statement. You heard the finality in her voice. Cuddy woke up as soon as she felt your fingers moved. She hovers at you, checking your vitals and asking medical questions, they flitted in and out of your consciousness. You give her the answers that she’s wanting to hear. You want to ask her about Cameron. You want to painfully rub salt to your already battered heart. She’s not here… she didn’t wait for you this time around. You flicker your gaze across the glass wall, Wilson. He looks at you, unblinking. His tired face reflecting a mixture of anger, regret, and apology – you want neither of those. Amber died, it wasn’t your fault. At least not entirely. You nod your head at his direction. He shrugs and leaves. Cuddy is still prattling on and on about your surgery, she calls it your stupid stunt. She informs you that you’re lucky to be alive. But luck is not what you would like to call it… you don’t feel lucky because you miss her curled presence when you woke up. She’s not here. She didn’t wait this time around. A certain finality came to you, the kind that you’ve been avoiding since she resigned. You were able to rationalize it all when she came back to work in the ER. There is no rationalization now that she finally meant it. “I don’t miss you.” “But I miss you…” you mutter before sleep claimed you again. |
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| Sobriety |
[May. 13th, 2008|11:16 pm] |
Title: Sobriety
Chapter: 1/1 (one shot ramblings)
Author: iteng
Fandom: House M.D.
Pairing: House/Cameron
Summary: House rambling thoughts Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own House. If I did, House and Cameron would end up married with 12 kids! LoL! It seems odd that she would accept a job in ER, she’s talented (of course you’ll never say that to her), a damned good doctor. She’s wasting her time suturing and bandaging banged up idiotic patients. You don’t get it, you don’t get her. She is pretty and intelligent. She worked for you until recently and you know that, that alone would make the top hospitals in the country hire her. So why is she here? You can still vividly remember the day she walked out on you. Sometimes you even dream about it. The ending is always hazy but you wake up sweating and wanting something… something indefinable. You’d stare blindly in front of you, waiting for the fog to clear, waiting for some sign of what it is that you’re missing, until your thigh throbs and you have to swallow another bitter pill. In the end, you just have to seek her out. Even if it means you have to go to the ER and pretend that you’re snooping around to find a new case; which you've never ever done before. Sometimes you’re afraid that she might catch on, sometimes you can see it in her eyes, but you do it anyway. You rationalize it, safely making assumptions that she’s just another puzzle to you, a puzzle that you weren’t able to solve even in close proximity. Yet during one of your sober intervals in between one high to another, you once acknowledge to Wilson that she means more to you than you ever let on. |
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| Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse |
[Apr. 7th, 2008|01:10 pm] |
Whatever It Takes
Lifehouse
A strangled smile fell from your face
What kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know that what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me" I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yB8vQTr6nc Copy and Paste this link for the Youtube Video. |
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| Falls On Me |
[Oct. 2nd, 2007|11:52 pm] |
"Falls On Me"
I've seen you hanging round
This darkness where I'm bound
And this black hole I've dug for me
And silently within
With hands touching skin
The shock breaks my disease
And I can breathe
[Chorus]
And all of your weight
All you dream
Falls on me it falls on me
And your beautiful sky
The light you bring
Falls on me it falls on me
Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?
[Chorus]
Am I that strong
To carry on?
I might change your life
I might save my world
Could you save me?
[Chorus X 2]
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| Words |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|01:42 am] |
Title : Words
Characters : House/Cameron ; Cameron/Wilson
Summary :
“Don’t be like this House…”
“Don’t be like what? Like the man that you KNOW that I am? Like the bastard that I am?? Tell me – don’t be like what? Like I am shattering your dreams or like waking you up to the reality that THIS IS me.” House hissed.
_____________________________
Enjoy!!!
Comments and suggestions are very much loved!
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“House… Greg… not like this…” Cameron twisted her face away from his.
“Then how? Tell me… what do you want from me Cameron?” House whispered, “What do you want? I don’t have any love to give anymore… there is this, only this. Take it or leave it but don’t ever ask for anything more.” “I can’t…” “Dammit Cameron! What do you want from me? I ignore you and you keep pushing yourself at me but now that I am here you say that you don’t want me anymore? You don’t play fair.” House shoved Cameron away from him. “Don’t be like this House…” “Don’t be like what? Like the man that you KNOW that I am? Like the bastard that I am?? Tell me – don’t be like what? Like I am shattering your dreams or like waking you up to the reality that THIS IS me.” House hissed. “You can’t be…” “Oh I AM! Do you think I enjoy being high? Do you think I want this constant pain and the incessant reminder of her betrayal? Do you want me to tell you how much I want to be somebody else? To be more than just this person with a bum leg? Well, I DO, I wish I can be the man that you want me to be… I wish I can love you Cameron because you deserve someone better. You do… so if you can’t live with THIS person… me… then just leave me alone. Leave me alone, Cameron. Let it go… I’m tired.” House closed his eyes willing the world to just go into pieces. He reached for his Vicodine, swallowed two and waited for the inevitable high. His vision blurred and he could hear Cameron screaming.
******
“House… Can you hear me?”
“Wilson? What happened?” House croaked. “You overdosed… Cameron, she brought you here. You are lucky she was dropping by some papers for you when she found you lying unconscious in your kitchen.” Wilson stared at his friend hoping that House would just come clean with the truth. He’d known for quite some time that House and Cameron have been ‘dating’ well, at least in their own twisted definition of what dating is. “Yeah, where is she?” House shuttered face didn’t show any emotion at all. “She… well, she sort of took a break. She mentioned something about her parents wanting to see her. She won’t be back until next week.” “Great. I’m sick and my staff goes on vacation, just what the department needs.” “House, you’re not really concerned about your department are you? You never seem to care about it…” Wilson eyed his friend skeptically. “Go to hell Jimmy! Go save your pukey sick cancer kids… I don’t need you psycho-analyzing me.” House now irritated with Wilson’s presence when all he wanted to do was figure out what he said to Cameron when he was pissed drunk before he passed out.
*****
Cameron decided that she needed a break. After hearing the truth about their relationship, all her harbored illusion has been shattered. The worst was not really about knowing the truth, what hurts the most was that he was able to say it. To put it into words was just too cruel. She didn’t think he was that cruel. Sure, he loves to taunt people, to tell them the blatant truth without even flinching. He likes doing that just to see how people would react. What she didn’t expect was that he was able to tell her plain out that he didn’t love her. That all she was to him was a fuck buddy to take his mind off the pain and to enjoy her company in bed. “Cameron?” Wilson’s voice disrupted her thoughts. “Hey Wilson… how is…” Cameron couldn’t even bring his name up. “He is doing okay. A little bit miffed because Cuddy made sure that he got the nurse from hell – betty.” He tentatively smiled. “How are you feeling today?” “I’m fine.” “Cameron, you should tell him. You should tell him what happened; I don’t think he even remembers. And you should tell him about the baby.” Wilson looked at Cameron sympathetically. “It doesn’t matter now. I know how he feels… I can work things out without him. I have several options” She chocked. “Cameron…” “Wilson…” “Marry me… I mean, I want you to know that I am here. If you choose to marry me, I will do my best to raise the kid like my own. I will be a good father to him or her. We can be a family. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
”Wilson, you are a good friend… but I don’t…”
”You don’t love me. I know. But for the sake of the baby, please think about it. I can support you and the baby. We can arrange everything so that you won’t have to give up your career. I will be good to you. Don’t… don’t say no just yet. Think about it for now.” “Okay. Thanks James.”
“Either you tell me where SHE is or….” House shouting at Wilson,
“Or what? You made it very clear to her that YOU don’t love her why torture her? Let her go House.” Wilson said dejectedly. “She already decided that she wants somebody who will be there for her. Somebody who can take care of her and the ba… never mind, don’t waste your time House, we are getting married. You can’t change that.” “Why all of a sudden the two of you are getting married? Why her Wilson? You knew about us before the OD incident… why? I thought we are ‘friends”” House said sarcastically. “She needs me.” Wilson murmured as House walked away.
“Cameron, I don’t want you to have any regrets… would you like to talk to House again? Maybe tell him the truth? I just can’t shake the feeling that you are not happy about us – about this.” Wilson held onto Cameron’s hands. “Wilson…” “How sweet! You two looks as if you stepped right out of the O.C.’s set.” House limped into Wilson’s office. “House…” Wilson flinched as his friend’s eyes shoots daggers into him. “Tell me Cameron… is he as good in bed as Chase? Or wait, did you think that you can save him from all those bad marriages?” House mockingly said. “House. what the…” Wilson started. “NO Wilson, this is my battle. Why don’t you wait outside… we just need a few minutes then we will go.” Cameron abruptly stood up and crossed the office to face House. “Okay, if you need me… I will be just outside.” Wilson ambled to the door. “Don’t hurt her…” Wilson muttered before leaving the room. The silence was deafening. For weeks now, she thought about all the things that she would like to say to him. All the feelings, the words, they all seem to lose their meaning when he is looking at her with that vulnerable blue eyes. All this time, she was the only person that he allowed to look into his soul. He didn’t want her to go yet he wasn’t sure whether he loved her either. The last time he bared his soul was to Stacy and look where that got him. His bum leg certainly made it difficult but more importantly his bum heart made it harder. He’s not sure whether he can rebuild a life with Cameron yet he was also unwilling to let her go. There is only one way he knew how to deal with pain… to numb it with Vicodine and to hide behind his snark. “So you and the boy wonder are now fuck buddy huh?” Cameron flinched at the mention of fuck buddy. Another cruelty on his part, she knew that what she did with Chase was wrong but they once made an agreement never to bring it up again and somehow he just couldn’t keep his promise. She should’ve known this side of Greg. He is cruel. House looked up and saw the pain that crossed her face. He saw the tears waiting to spill. And he couldn’t bear to see her crying so he reached out and crushed her in his arms. “I’m sorry Allison. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Not like this… not this way. I understand. Don’t cry. Marry Wilson, be happy.” House whispered brokenly. Cameron cried she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore when finally she was able to control her sobbing. She lifted her head and touched Greg’s lips. “I loved you… no shh… don’t. She stopped him from saying anything. “Listen Greg, you were never just a fuck buddy or a pity project. I loved you. I have to move on… you should too. I’m sorry this didn’t work out.” House pulled out of the embrace, “past-tense noted.” “I’m sorry.” Cameron left the office and went looking for Wilson “Sorry doesn’t change anything.” |
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| Try again. Fail again. Fail Better. |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|04:29 pm] |
Title : TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER.
(Samuel Becket)
Author : Me of course!
Ship : House / Cameron
Disclaimer : I do not own House or Cameron.
Try Again.
Relationship always entails some sacrifice. You tried it once with your college sweetheart. You failed. You tried it again with Stacy, she failed you.
Fail Again.
When Cameron made you go out with her, you blabbered on about her flaws. You failed again.
Fail Better.
You didn't believe in failures. You never failed but it seems that when it comes to relationship all you do is fail and fail and fail. After 'the kiss' you realize it doesn't matter anymore... you can keep on failing... but you will fail better this time around. |
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| Change 7 |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|07:01 pm] |
Title: Change 7
Fandom: House, M.D
Characters/Pairings: House/Cameron
Summary: It's easier to hold on to a dream than to wake up with a painful reminder of your past failures.
It's easier to hold on to a dream than to wake up with a painful reminder of your past failures. While the rest of the world lives with invincible scars you have to deal with seeing it everyday. You rub your tight hoping to ease the throbbing, your missing muscles are just one of those things you hate waking up to. You try to shift to your left but something soft is curled up beside you. You remain still for a minute recalling where you are or what happened when it hits you like a bullet train, Cameron! You shoot right up, forgetting your twisted missing leg muscles. Then you crash on the ground as your right leg gives away to your weight.
"House?! What the..."
House face contorted to a painful grimace, both of his hands were rubbing furiously to the damaged thigh. His face was so pale Cameron feared that he might faint with pain. Cameron got up and went quickly to his side, reaching out...
"Don't." He cut off Cameron and pushed her hands away. "Don't touch me! I don't need your help. I'm fine." House closed his eyes willing his muscle to relax. Cameron pursed her lips about to come up with a nice retort when she heard his pager beeping."
"You should get that." Cameron nodding at his pager.
"Who cares, it’s just Cuddy waiting for me in the clinic with a she devil fork." House hissed.
"I might be some emergency."
"If it is, there are at least 10 doctors in PPTH to attend to them. I don't care."
"Fine, fine... at least let me help you get up then. You can't pretend that you're not in pain and I just can't let you stay slumped in my floor for the rest of the day." Cameron grabbed his arms.
"I CAN do it."
"I know but I want to help..."
"Then make some coffee." House cut her off while trying to lift himself up. "Go!"
Cameron unwillingly stood up and headed towards her kitchen. She hated seeing him like that, hated that he wouldn’t let her in. She wanted to fuss over him, take care of him, but he just won't let her do it.
"I am not a child." Yes, she's not a child. You wonder if it she knows that you are secretly battling with yourself. You want to believe that she's naive and that you have to protect her from you. You don't want her to end up like you, bitter & broken. You want to be the better person, want to be the kind of guy who would let her be with someone who deserves her. 'Not for you’ your heart keeps whispering. You've lost half of the battle already... coming here. You shouldn't have come... but for once you let yourself be deluded that she can want you. 'Not for you' the harsh bitter words sounds so true in your head.
"Fuck!"
"House?" Cameron standing at the edge of the sofa.
"Nothing."
"Again, nothing is always something with you. Tell me." Her eyes all soft and watery.
"You were crying." It was more of a statement than a question. She looked away, hoping that you'd stop staring at her. "That's all I ever do to you."
"No, you didn't do this." Cameron dropped her gaze to her slippers. "I did this... to us." She waved her hand in the space in between them.
"Did what?" His face shut off all emotions.
"This." She shrugged her shoulder, hoping that a single word would be enough.
"I should go." House reached for his cane.
She didn't move... didn't look up or even tried to stop him. "Do you like me?"
House fussed over his cane. "No."
"Humm..." The hurt look coming back to her face.
House headed for the door, wretched it open then he mumbled "But I want you." |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|03:00 pm] |
Title: Change 6 **First five parts 1 2 3 4 5** Fandom: House, M.D Characters/Pairings: House/Cameron
Summary: Life has a funny way of screwing things up. It screwed you over with your leg, it screwed her over with her dead husband and now it's screwing things again with you and Cameron. It's like getting a lung cancer even if you've never even smoked a cigarette in your entire life. You take one step forward only to be pushed back twice. Things and events blurs and somewhere along the way you lost the reason why you don't want her. Before you drift off to sleep you feel her hands in yours, entwined. You wonder if it is real or not.
As you scroll through different channels, you are secretly hoping that she would sit beside you and insinuate herself in your life again. You wish she didn't always have the answer or that she wouldn't be so nice. You wish she'd hit you, shout at you anything but the care and concern that she's showing right now. You wish she really would hate you, it's easier that way, more manageable. But as the cliché goes, she loves you. She won't admit it herself, but she really do. You can feel it in the way she looks at you, the way she smiles at you, the way she tolerates you. She loves you but the problem is you are not sure of how you feel about her. When she resigned from your department, you hated that no one made coffee for you anymore, you hated the sudden feeling of loss like your limbs got cut off all over again, you hated the empty haunted spaces in the conference room. You hated not having her around that's why you went all the way to her apartment to ask her to come back. You were prepared to give her a raise, give her better parking space, even date her. You secretly admired her courage when she asked you out but what surprised you the most was her dignified composure when you deliberately set out to hurt her. You've made a lot of mistakes, out of misguided love and pride, and when you slept with Stacy she silently stood by never accusing you of anything. She loves you and you wonder if she loves you enough to make you love her back.
"House, I think you just missed The OC. Let's just watch that shall we... my eyes are hurting with all this quick channel surfing." He scanned the channel back to The OC, Cameron sat at the far end of the sofa. Looking straight at the TV.
"Come here."
"Huh?"
"I said come here..." House patted the seat beside him.
"Why?"
"Does everything have a reason?" House rolled his eyes. "You're killing my moves here."
"We all know that with you nothing is everything. You have this way of analysing things too much and ending up with a conclusion that is way magnified than what was originally intended."
"Look who's over analysing things?”
"Okay... okay" Cameron scooted over.
House didn't even move. He just sat there absorbing all her heat without touching her.
"I want to know what happened with Chase."
"What?"
"I said. Oh forget it!" The silence seemed to stretch between them.
"It was a mistake. My mistake. I lost control. I would've." House turned to look at her, Cameron sat there fidgeting with her fingers. "I would've called you if I wasn't so scared of being rejected again. I needed a distraction... he was available. That's all there was to it."
"I'm sorry." House dropped his eyes on the remote that he was now crushing in his hands.
"Sorry? Why?" Cameron was shocked; she wasn't expecting anything like this.
"Because I should've been there for you. Because I made you feel like shit and you had to turn to Chase."
"It wasn't your fault. It was never about that. I wanted to forget, for a while it worked and then there was the morning after. We all know how that feels."
"Still..."
"Forget it." Cameron sighed. "I want to know about you and Stacy."
"There's nothing to tell. I thought I wanted her, she didn't want me - she didn't want me forever."
"And now?"
"Nothing."
"I'm sorry."
"For what? Because you weren't there for me?"
"No, I'm sorry she couldn't love you enough to want forever with you."
"It doesn't matter now."
Cameron peered into his eyes and saw the bottle loneliness and longing in his eyes. She understood it so clearly. She felt that way once, after the disastrous dinner. At work, she hid in the lab because she was afraid to let him see it in her eyes. Afraid that he will mock whatever hurt she felt. Until one day, she finally learned how to hide it from him. Then she worked harder and smarter than Chase and Foreman, hoping that he will see her in a different light. But he never saw her, not really, and for a while it frustrated her. Then Stacy came, then the whole thing with Chase and now they are here. Sitting in her apartment, each lost in their own pain and regret. Yes, it doesn't matter now. They've screwed up enough of whatever relationship they could've had with each other. It doesn't matter now.
Life has a funny way of screwing things up. It screwed you over with your leg, it screwed her over with her dead husband and now it's screwing things again with you and Cameron. It's like getting a lung cancer even if you've never even smoked a cigarette in your entire life. You take one step forward only to be pushed back twice. You shake your head and try to focus on the TV in front of you. She was lost in her own thoughts, perhaps she's thinking about Chase. You hate the Ausie bastard for taking advantage of her but you hate yourself more for not being able to concretely admit that you are falling for her. Things and events blurs and somewhere along the way you lost the reason why you don't want her. It feels good to be here, sitting in silence, watching TV. Before you drift off to sleep you feel her hands in yours, entwined. You wonder if it is real or not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|03:33 pm] |
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Title: Change 5
***The first four parts of the story : Change 1, Change 2, Change 3, Change 4 ***
Fandom: House, M.D
Characters/Pairings: House/Cameron
Summary: Confrontations are ugly. You think you are saying one thing when you mean another. You hope the message gets across only to be misinterpreted as something else.
Silence ensued the whole time they were eating. Cameron sending a few daggered looks at House every now and then. House never lifter his eyes from his food.
"So... this is interesting." Cameron dared to break the silence at last.
"Yes, this dumpling is so dry I can choke on it." House poking his fried dumplings.
"Not that."
"Oh!" House tried his utmost best for a candid look.
"I'm just curious..."
"You know what they say about curiosity..."
"It killed the cat?"
"No, oh wait yeah." House smirking.
"Would you please for once try to be serious? I mean really, I'm curious... if you don't "want" me and you don't "care" about me then why are we having this conversation at all? Why the dinner and the awkward silences?"
"Hummm... Cuddy once said.."
"Oh for crying out loud! Can't you give me a straight answer? I don't care what Cuddy said or Mick Jagger or whoever it is that you're about to quote again!"
House just kept his eyes averted, he tried cataloging in his mind all Cameron's books. He didn't want to go there anymore. One outburst was enough; this is why he tries so hard not to see patients. Confrontations are ugly. You think you are saying one thing when you mean another. You hope the message gets across only to be misinterpreted as something else.
"House..."
"Cameron."
"If you're not ready to talk about it we can leave it as it is."
"Humm." House nodded, grateful for the temporary reprieve. His entire body was aching, specially his leg.
"You should take two Vicodin. I'm sure you must be hurting from the fall."
Cameron stood up and started to clear the table. House stood up and went behind her. Too close for comfort, Cameron twisted half her body to look at House warily.
"House, please don't start something that you can't finish."
House leaned closer and peered into her eyes. "For whatever it's worth, I never meant to hurt you." Cameron was spellbound by the sincerity in his eyes. The intensity of those deep blue eyes are melting all her defenses. She closed her eyes and involuntarily swayed a little bit towards him and then he was gone. The moment was so fleeting that Cameron is left wondering if she just imagined the whole encounter. When she opened her eyes she saw him limping towards the door and when he was about to open it.
"House, stay." It was a bare whisper House isn't even sure if he heard her right.
Cameron repeated, "Stay. I can't just let you ride your bike home. You are hurt and you just drowned two Vicodin with a couple of beer. You may get yourself into more trouble." She almost said 'I don't want you dying on me. Not now, not yet.'
He kept his eyes averted, a minute or two passed, it feels as though he was wrestling within himself whether he should stay or not. Then he nodded and turned towards her sofa. He picked up the remote and made himself comfortable.
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| Change 4 |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|12:51 am] |
Title: Change 4 (slightly edited)
Summary: Gregory House - you are drawn to him; he is an enigma, your enigma. He acts as though he doesn’t care about you but for whatever a drunken confession is worth, you know that he cares about you. He would never willingly admit this to you but you see it in his eyes.
Some people would think of you as an eternal naïve person. You don’t believe in God but you are almost always certain that everything happens for a good reason. That even though things go bad someone would always save the day. You associate this thought with House, you don’t realize it but you do. Gregory House - you are drawn to him; he is an enigma, your enigma. He acts as though he doesn’t care about you but for whatever a drunken confession is worth, you know that he cares about you. He would never willingly admit this to you but you see it in his eyes. He purposely sets you up, snipes at you, ignores you and even laughs at your foolishness for liking him. But for the last couple of hours, you’ve been seeing a new side of all these. You think maybe these are his ways of testing you. Perhaps he wants to find out if you are worthy and that he can trust you.
"Cameron?!"
"Cameron!"
"Oh, hi Wilson."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, so what were you saying again?"
"I asked if you’re really going to dinner with House."
"I… guess, I don’t have a choice."
"I… look… I’ve been friends with House for a long long time. I don’t want to see him hurt. Like I said before, you better be sure that you really want this. He’s strong, he can handle death, sickness and all those crap but I don’t think he can handle another disappointment. There won’t be a next time if you let him down."
"He told me that he didn’t believe in happily ever afters." Cameron looks away.
"He does. Just not for himself." Wilson looks down on his shoes. "After his infraction, he felt like no one would love him anymore. When he tried opening up, dating, those girls when they found out that he is crippled, they would always have a look of pity in their face. He hates to be pitied at.
"I don’t pity him."
"I know."
"I think… I want to try Wilson… but I am afraid."
"I know." Wilson walked out of the conference room wondering if he made the right decision in pushing House to have a conversation with Cameron.
____
7:30PM, Cameron is still anxiously waiting for House. She was dressed in a t-shirt, jeans and boots. She dialed his mobile number a couple of times but it was directed to voice mail. God! How she hates waiting. She is already building up enough fumes, how dare he keep her waiting like this. ‘don’t make the cripple wait’ how about making a girl wait for thirty minutes?
Finally, after another 10 minutes the knock came. Cameron opened the door a bit forcefully and opened her mouth ready for an argument about being punctual and all when she saw House's face showing slight bruises and there are sputters of blood all over his shirt.
"House?! What the…"
"My bike slipped, I’m fine. Let’s go." House shrugged and started to turn.
"NO wait." Cameron grabbed his sleeves and tried to pull him inside her apartment. "You can’t just walk around and pretend that your face is not turning into patches of blue and your arm is bleeding too. Let’s clean the wound first okay?"
House rolled his eyes and he let her drag him into her kitchen.
"Sit, I’ll go get my emergency kit."
"I figured you’d have one… always ready aren’t we."
"Will you just sit and shut up." Cameron went to her bathroom while House found a comfortable stool.
For a few minutes, both of them were silent. Cameron cleaned and bandaged his wounds while he kept staring at her dainty hands. Cameron is trying to focus on his wounds but the truth is that her whole body felt warm and alive just by standing so close to House. House on the other hand, tried desperately to distract himself because he didn’t want to feel the comfort and at the same time the excitement of being so near to Cameron. He’s heart was beating so fast and loud that he was sure Cameron could hear it too. Finally, Cameron broke the silence.
"Well, you’re late and you’ve managed to mangle yourself with that bike." She smiled weakly at her.
"I slipped… it wasn’t my fault." House pouted.
"I think we should just order and have dinner here. We can order Chinese or maybe Italian whichever you prefer."
"Chinese would be great."
"Okay. I’ll call it in." Cameron proceeded to dial and order their dinner. When she hung up she found House in her living room seated comfortably in her sofa.
"Come here. We need to talk." He patted the seat next to him. But Cameron walked over to the other seat putting some distance between the two of them.
"Talk then."
"Humm.. on the second thought maybe I need a beer first." House looked away.
"No, no alcohol this time. You wanted to talk… we will talk… sober." Cameron’s eyes never leaving his face. She could see that this was painful for him. He was never really good at talking about feelings and relationships or whatever it is that they have. He stared down at his finger silently drumming in his thigh.
"You deserve someone better." Still trying to avoid her eyes.
"That’s all? You came here to tell me that I deserve someone better? What a cliché. I expected something better from you, maybe a snide remark or a sarcastic innuendo of some sort. Come on you can come up with something better than ‘You deserve someone better’…. Hell, say that you don’t like me or that you will never love me or that you don’t want me. Say anything just not that."
"What do you want from me Cameron? Did you expect a declaration of undying love? I’m old and tired. I’ve been through this relationship shit, been there done that not doing it again. I don’t love you. I won’t allow myself to go there anymore. I don’t want you andI don’t need you." He was staring at her eyes now. Staring so intently that Cameron felt her heart would stop beating. There’s so much honesty in his eyes but she could feel the glint of a lie too.
Someone is knocking on her door. Their food finally arrived.
_________
So sorry I have to leave this hanging for now. I'm so sleepy already.
Hope you guys like it. I know there are lots of gramatical stuffs to correct. I'll check them again some other time.
Thanks for reading!!!
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| Change 3 |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|10:07 am] |
"Wilson, YOU IDIOT!" House barged into Jimmy's office.
"What?!!"
"Why did you leave me last night? And YOU left me with CAMERON!" House still irritated.
"So... wait... did something happen last night?" Wilson's eyes now twinkling with mischief.
"No... I don't know." House plopped down in front of Wilson. "In case you didn't notice I was drunk last night."
"You're in trouble."
"And it's because of YOU!" House tapping his cane incesantly.
"Will you stop that! Go talk to her, ask her, say something... something nice."
"I can't."
"Why? Oh God! Don't tell me.... you..."
"Of course I did! What did you expect? That one day I would wake up like a warm fuzzy bunny?" House almost angry now.
"Then why didn't you just shut up? That's better than..."
"I can't. I needed to say something. I can't stop myself."
"Yes you can, you just don't want to but you should've. Now you're really in big trouble."
"Yes, because again you're an IDIOT!"
House stood up and limped out of Wilson's office. On the way out he slammed into Cameron.
"What the..." House trying to regain his balance.
"I'm so... House... sorry... are you okay?" Cameron paled a little bit.
"What are you doing here?"
"I need a consult..."
House nodded and turned towards the elevator. He paused mid-way "We should talk. I'll pick you up tonight 7PM." and he walked away. Cameron was left standing dumbfounded in front of Wilson's office. When suddenly the door opened.
"Cameron?!"
"Hi, I need a consult." Cameron still looking lingering at the elevator.
"Okay, let's see the chart..."
"No, about House."
"Ah, come in... I have a feeling this is going to be a long consult."
____
Cameron stepped out of Wilson's office with a lighter heart. She poured all her doubts and misery to Wilson, the only person who understands House. He didn't say much, she assumed that House came to his office to vent too. She squared her shoulders and headed towards House office. There's so much to do - paperworks, charts and all the other minor things House refuses to do. Foreman and Chase wouldn't lift a finger either so she's stuck with it. From a far, she saw Cuddy and House glaring at each other, apparently House broke into Cuddy's office and issued another memo of some sort. She slowed her pace hoping that by the time she arrives Cuddy's temper would've cooled down a little bit besides she didn't want to get caught in between.
"...you can make up for this with 3 more hours of clinic duty today." Cuddy waiving a piece of paper in front of House.
"I can't... I need to go home early..."
"To what? You don't have a life outside this hospital. Wilson and Scotch don't count." Cuddy said dismissively.
"Hey! You're the one who keeps on asking me to "have a life" so why not cut me some slack... I have a date tonight." House looked at Cameron's direction.
"House, hookers don't count either.... Okay, 3 hours tomorrow and no skiving off. I want you in the clinic early." Cuddy walked away still fuming a little bit.
House managed not to create any more trouble for the day. In fact, he was hiding in his office quite effectively. Wilson was busy the whole day so he only came in during lunch. Cameron was busy catching up with paperworks at the conference room. There were very few awkward instances the entire day. Sometimes Cameron would look up to find House staring at her. Other times House would turn and find Cameron looking at him. Otherwise, the diagnostic office remained quiet and peaceful. Foreman and Chase were both on clinic duties.
Finally it was time to go home, House hauled himself up, slung his bag over his shoulder and started for the door. He turned to the conference room and quietly said "7PM, don't make the cripple wait. Wear something casual." Then he moved out of his office leaving Cameron staring at his back.
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| Alone |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|08:24 am] |
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Title : Alone
You keep telling her “everybody lies”, you have never lied to her. You tell her she thinks of you as a project. To her you are worthy cause, save the twisted limping old bastard. You left out minor details – You didn’t tell her… you need her to save you.
* * *
It’s funny how you would rather believe that people can’t love you than accept the fact that you do have some redeeming qualities. It’s funny how you hate yourself for being a cripple. You hate the world for taking the one thing that matters to you the most – mobility. Yeah, you could still walk but everyday you see pity in strangers’ eyes. You feel them staring at you as you pass by. You try to be as obnoxious as you can be so that they won’t treat you any special maybe they’ll even hate you.
Hate is better than pity.
But when she looks at you, you don’t see any trace of pity. She sees you for the man that you were, are. She strides beside you, always confident about your abilities. It’s simple – she believes in you. She would watch you, she looks up to you. She watches you as you spout solutions to patients who have the most bizarre sickness. She watches you as you drink your coffee, she watches you in pain. Always her eyes are on you. She doesn’t treat you like a fragile vase waiting to shatter; she knows that you are strong. She likes you – just the way you are. She likes your childishness; she likes your quips and even tolerates your sarcasm. She’s indignant when you spy on people but she worships how you deduce things. She likes the way you categorize people, making them less complicated, making every motive and actions simple.
You keep telling her “everybody lies”, you have never lied to her. You tell her she thinks of you as a project. To her you are worthy cause, save the twisted old limping bastard. But you didn’t finish your thoughts… you wanted to tell her how much you like the fact that she likes you. You left out minor details – you didn’t tell her that you think she’s really beautiful and that you’re amazed that she picked you. You think you’re jaded but you want to be otherwise. You didn’t tell her… you need her to save you.
You hate yourself. You hate the fact that you will never be complete. You hate that you’re so dependent on drugs and you hate the lonely nights in your apartment. You hate her; you hate her because she could’ve pushed you a little bit more. You hate that she gave up on you easily. But mostly, you hate yourself for allowing your past to ruin whatever future you could’ve had with her. You hate it. You hate the damn fucking world, and here you are sitting alone, drinking scotch and swallowing Vicodin. Wallowing in self-pity.
Alone.
But you don’t really hate her. You can’t hate her – no, you will never hate her. You just lie to yourself, it’s easier that way, less complicated. You won’t lie to her but you will lie to yourself, just this once and maybe everyday afterwards. |
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| Change 2 (Fan Fic) |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|01:30 pm] |
House reached out to feel his stiff leg but the movement jarred his head. God! His head was pounding with such a force he could barely think of anything else. He lay perfectly still for five minutes until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"House, are you okay?" Cameron leaned down to check on him. "Drink this," Handling him an aspirin and a glass of water "it should make you feel better."
"Hummm.." House lifted his head and took the tablets. "You're still here..."
"Yeah, does your leg hurt?"
"Never stopped hurting..." His hands snaked down to his thigh to massage the stiff leg.
"Here let me" Cameron reached out to his thigh and started a slow massage.
"Harder."
"Okay." Cameron increased the pressure of her hands. House let out a groan.
They were like that for fifteen minutes. Except the intervals of House moaning, silence filled the air but they were both comfortable with it. It was as though they've been doing this for years, like an old couple falling into pattern. They broke apart when they heard the phone ringing.
"Ugh! Don't get it... its just Wilson or Cuddy wanting to make my life a living hell."
"Or it can be a case, a really interesting and cool case." Cameron got up and went to grab the phone.
"Hello?!"
"Hi, Cameron... what... oh, you're still there?"
"Hi Wilson, uhm... yeah. Do you want to talk to House?"
"Uhm, no don't worry I'm just checking up on him. Tell him I'll cover for him in the clinic for a while, I'll see you both later."
"Okay bye." Cameron placed the phone back to the nightstand.
"It was Wilson, he will be covering for you in the clinic for a few hours." Cameron turned her attention back to House.
His eyes were still closed and he looked a little pale. Cameron leaned down and touched his forehead.
"You don't look well. Do you want me to call Cuddy and tell her you're taking the day off?"
"No, just give me a few minutes."
"Okay, I'll make you something to eat."
Cameron went to his kitchen to check the cupboards.
House slowly got up and for the first time he noticed that he wasn't wearing his Nike shoes anymore. He tried to recall whether he removed it last night and where he left it but when he saw it neatly tucked in the corner of the room he realised that Cameron was the one who removed it for him. He also noticed that his jacket hang in his coat rack properly and the clothes that he left scattered all over the place yesterday are all gone. He got up and walked towards his bathroom.
Cameron heard the bathroom door clicked and she let go of the sigh that she's been holding since he woke up. She couldn't sleep last night so she spent hours just snooping around his apartment. She scanned his book collection, hoping to get a glimpse of the kind of person House is outside workplace. She also sat in his piano, as she kept thinking about what he said to her the night before.
"You wore my favourite shirt now I can't wear it your cooties are all over it."
Cameron snapped out of her reverie and stared at him dumbfounded.
"I... I'm sorry..."
"Relax, it's a joke." House reached for the coffee pot.
The silence was deafening as they both stood at the counter drinking their coffee. House kept his eyes averted. He wasn't sure what he said or did last night. He figured the less he talked the better. Cameron on the other hand wasn't sure how to start asking him about what he said last night. However it did cross her mind that maybe he didn't remember their conversation or maybe it was the alcohol talking.
"I wanted to ask you..."
"Here we go, Cameron, whatever I said or didn't say... or whatever I did last night... I didn't mean any of it." House kept staring at his coffee.
"Yeah I figured." Cameron moved past him, "Everybody lies." She whispered. Cameron left him in his apartment. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2006|05:54 pm] |
Title: Change
Fandom: House, M.D
Characters/Pairings: House/Cameron, Wilson, Cuddy, Chase
Prompt: Alternate ending for Distraction
Summary: "Cameron is worried about you."
It is so rare that Gregory House meets someone who knows him and still genuinely cares about him except for Cuddy and Wilson and maybe even Stacy, nobody bothered to check on him. He's been alienating people since he was three. His smartass comments would always land him into deep trouble, like nurses quitting and other doctors whining to Cuddy.
"Bear in mind Cameron’s probably the only female that can tolerate you."
He couldn't stop thinking about what Cuddy said. Why would a girl like Cameron tolerate him? She took his crap at work because he is her boss but why did she want to date him in the first place? Not that she was forewarned of the what could happen. She's seen him be sarcastic and cutting to everyone. Why take the risk?
"Cameron is worried about you."
Cameron is always worried about something but why worry about him? She said she hated him, hates him, and then she goes to Cuddy because she's worried about him taking something.
When he hired Cameron, he liked the puzzle that she presented to him. Unlike Foreman or Chase , she's not the best of the best and she didn't have the right family connections. She stood out among hundreds of applicants mainly because of her early widowhood and the way she carried herself during her interview. She was neither too tensed nor too egotistical. She reminds him of her father yet she remind him of the goodness of that side of character. He sees so much possibility in her but her greatness is always obscured by her inability to control her emotions. He'd seen her fight for her patient with passion even if she knew that she had already lost to cancer. He'd seen her pretending to be calm even when there was a chance of her getting HIV. She's an enigma to him, like a rubic cube with several missing colors.
___________
"Dr. House!"
House rolls his eyes and slowly turned to face Cuddy.
"Good morning Dr. Cuddy!"
Cuddy rolls her eyes in return. "You are 30 mins late for your clinic duty today. Should I remind you that YOU get PAID to do clinic hours?"
"How much for a clinic free day?" He tries to fish out his wallet.
"What you're going to pay me? Wilson will have fits if he finds out you've been smooching his lunch to pay for clinic duties. Now go to exam room 1, the line is getting longer already."
Chase enters the room. "Chase, you can be me today. Go to exam room 1 and be Dr. House for a few hours." House snarked.
"I am on clinic duties in 15 mins, exam room 2. Foreman is currently occupying exam room 3. Cameron volunteered in the maternity ward."
"What??!! I hired the three of you to do diagnostics and you're all out checking the latest snots?" House contorted his face and pouted at Cuddy. "You turned them into sissy."
"HOUSE! Exam room 1 NOW!" Cuddy almost yelling. House got out of his chair and hobbled towards the door. Before he went out he turned to Cuddy and stuck his tongue out like a three year old kid.
The rest of the day was spent with out patients who either have rotting crotches or hovering moms with sick babies. Wilson dropped by to invite him to dinner.
"Hey! Want to grab some Chinese?" Wilson stuck his head in exam room 1. House was already in foul mood having to spend the day in clinic.
"No, I want to drown myself already. Cuddy made me do clinic the whole day."
"Clinic is not so bad..."
"Yeah, well... doing clinic duties reinforces to me the idea that people are STUPID."
"SHHH!!! You don't want another patient complaining about you again. Your funds for emotional damages have already reached it's quota already."
"Yeah, that's Cuddy's fault not mine. If she didn't insist on this little game of ours I wouldn't be here hurling insults to these so called human beings!"
"Okay... shut up already. How about the chinese?"
"Okay... but you're paying."
"Duh! I'm always paying. See you in 10 mins. at the lobby. Walk faster so Cuddy won't catch you" Wilson snickered.
_______
3 Hours Later.
"I'm drunk"
"Yeah House, you are drunk. What did you expect to happen after downing 4 Vicodin with 1 bottle of Tequila?"
"At least my leg don't hurt"
"Huh! Tomorrow your head will hurt more than your leg." Wilson smiled.
"Why are you smiling?" House turned his head to see what Wilson's smiling all about. "Damn!" House muttered.
"HEY CAMERON! OVER HERE!" Wilson called out across the room.
Cameron walked towards Wilson and she tensed upon seeing House slouched beside Wilson.
"Hey Wilson." She smiled then she turned to House and said politely "Dr. House."
"What no sweet smile for me Allison?" House slurred.
"Don't mind him, he's drunk already." Wilson tried to cover the awkwardness already starting to envelope the three of them. "So you're here with...?"
"Oh, I came with Foreman and Chase but they ditched me for some fine chicks they met a while ago."
"Always the one left behind..." House chanted in Cameron's ears. Cameron rolled her eyes and looked at Wilson. Wilson mouthed "SORRY" to her and she shrugged. Wilson's phone rang and he excused himself.
"So Ms. Niceness Allison, would you mind giving a crippled bastard like me a kiss?" House slurred again. "Am I damaged enough for you?"
But before Cameron could answer Wilson was back already and he look flustered.
"Something wrong Dr. Wilson?" Cameron inquired.
"I need to go... a patient of mine..." He looked at House and said to Cameron "Could you do me a favor?"
"Sure..."
"Good, take him home." Looking at wasted House. "I don't want him passed out in some pavement."
"Hum... o-okay. Sure." Cameron stuttered. Wilson took a few steps and turned to Cameron.
"Please make sure he sleeps in bed, if he sleeps on the couch his leg will kill him tomorrow."
"Sure Wilson. I'll make sure he's in bed tonight." Cameron blushed.
A few minutes later, Cameron was helping House into a Taxi.
"Come on House, just a few more steps and see there's the Taxi." Cameron almost hauling House out of the bar. "See almost there."
Finally after a lot of struggling and cursing from House, they were riding towards his apartment. A few more minutes and they were inside his apartment already. House almost collapsed at the couch when Cameron tugged him with all her might.
"Come on, a few more steps won't kill you. To bed you go..."
"Evil witch!" House muttered.
"You'll thank me for this tomorrow morning when your leg is not stiff and aching." Cameron said in hiss. "God! You're heavy!"
"Are you comparing me to God again?" House mocked her.
"SHHHH!! Shut up will you!?" Cameron tugged him one more time then they both collapsed in his bed. She was pinned underneath him.
"Uhm... House, I can't breathe..." Cameron gasping for air. House managed to haul half of his body up and he kept staring at her face.
"House, stop..." She put her hands on his chest with the intent of pushing him away. But she stopped struggling in what she saw in his eyes.
"You care too much Cameron. You shouldn't care too much about me." Then he pulled himself off her and laid on his back beside her. One arm covering his face the other sprawled on the bed. "I don't want to hurt you... if you continue to do this... you will end up hurt and I can't... bear to see you hurt." House whispered.
"I'm not a child..."
House cut her off "You're not a child yet you insist that the world is fair and that people live happily ever after. There is no happily ever after... never was, never will be. People pretend to be happy, pretend that their life is filled with joy, pretend that their career is enough, pretend that they love their family, pretend that what they have is enough. That's all there is... just pretending. "
"But you won't pretend? You won't even try to pretend? Why? Because you think that if you stop believing or even hoping that there is a happily ever after that you are better off than most of us? Because you like to be miserable so you have to disillusion everyone to be like you?" Cameron raised her head to see his face.
"No, I hold no illusion of a happily ever after therefore I will never be disillusioned. People always leave, they leave when they realize their partner can't change. They leave because death takes them away, they leave because we push them away but always someone always gets left behind. You should know that by now... I won't change Allison. I didn't change for Stacy, I won't change for you." House said in a defeated tone, still not meeting her eyes.
"I didn't ask you to change... I never will." Cameron leaned down to see a better view of his face.
"You say that now, but months from now or years from now... you will resent me for being me. You will resent that I will never be able to dance with you or jog with you. Sooner or later you will hate me for the life that I will impose on you." House finally removed his arms from his face and is now staring at her.
"Is this the reason why...???" Cameron almost couldn't say her name. "Stacy. Is that why you sent Stacy away?"
"Yes." Then he closed his eyes.
House fell asleep.
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| Fan Fic 1 |
[May. 31st, 2006|04:35 pm] |
The Walls in Between
Character(s)/Paring(s): House/Cameron, Wilson
Rating: PG
She silently stood across the hall. There is more than a glass wall separating them. She watched him play his yo-yo and wonders what his great mind is now trying to un-puzzle. She been doing that a lot for the past few months - waiting, watching but always with a safe distance between them. She tried to mentally take note of the things she liked about him. His brilliant mind, his eyes, his scruff, the way he never cares or pretend he doesn't, his wit and even his Vicodin addiction. She mentally takes note of how he flicks his hands to send the yo-yo flying and gently tug it back. And she remember all the games he played with her heart. Always this man named Gregory House confuses her. She is drawn to him in so many ways she can never explain. He makes her strong and weak at the same time. He ask her questions that would inevitably change the way she thinks. He tells her no when his eyes would convey a different message. She continues her silent reverie.
***
He plays with her, he wonders if today she will finally breakdown. She's a puzzle he can never solve so he remains addicted to her. With his ex-girlfriend gone from his life, he now have more time to think about Allison Cameron. He sensed her withdrawal since Stacy came back to PPTH, sensed that she is trying to distance herself from him. He wonders why she would give way to another person without even fighting or trying but then again maybe he never gave her a reason to fight.
He knows that she likes him, what he can't figure out is why. Why would she want a man twice her age, sarcastic, abrasive and seemingly capable of inflicting so much pain. She needs someone better than him, hell way way better than him. He remembers their first non-date watching monster truck and remembers their first official date-date which she induced him to do. While the first would always bring a smile to his heart, the last would always cause so much regret that he didn't even want to start thinking about it. He absently plays with the yo-yo in his hands, staring into nothingness. He would sometimes indulge himself with the game of "what if", what if he didn't say those words he said to her, what if Stacy didn't come back, what if he never felt the need to chase after his old relationship and focused on the person who accepted him just as he is. What if...
He looks up to find her staring at him.
***
James Wilson stares at the girl who is silently standing in the hall looking inside Greg's office. She looks so thin lately and the black rings under her eyes are an indication of what little sleep she was getting. He remembers the first time he saw her in Greg's office, so young and full of life. She was willing to give to the world without asking for anything in return. Then he remembered his own stupid decision to meet with Stacy instead of going to the monster truck with House. When the two came to the office the morning after something was different. He couldn't quite place what it is that changed but they never talked about it. And then there was the date thing, oh that was so disastrous. He should've known, House would never give in so easily. He would fight tooth and nail to prevent the attaction from blooming into some kind of a relationship. Not since Stacy left him. He wonders if he should talk to her again. Wondered if he should explain things seeing that House is incapable of stringing sentences without making Cameron feel dumb or stupid to cover his own awkward feelings towards her. He starts walking towards Cameron but decided to let it go. House would never appreciate his meddling in this.
***
She was frozen in the spot. She kept staring at the blue eyes that have haunted her dreams. She can't move, can't even breath properly. She remembered the rumors floating around that he slept with Stacy. She can still feel the knife twisting in her guts. She can't blame him, everyone deserves one great love in their lifetime. Greg already found his with Stacy and she foolishly fell for him. She deliberately put a distance between them after that. But now, Stacy is gone. Their ghost of a relationship has finally ended. He sent her away. She wonders why... is it really because of the damn leg? Maybe, with House who knows.
***
He forgot all about his yo-yo as it dangles helplessly, he could see the tears that are gathering behind her beautiful eyes, ready to spill. It seems this is the only thing he can do to her, hurt her... make her cry. His eyes drank her every curve, every line on her face, every detail about her. He finally looks away. Defeated. He will never ask her out. The choice is hers again, if she really wanted him maybe she will ask him out again. But he will never ask her. He fixed his eyes on the cup she filled with candy canes last Christmas. He involuntarily smiled with the memory. She cares enough, she radiates warmth even from the coldest part of him. God! He needs her in his life. He winces with the realization. He looks up again... she's gone.
A solitary tear slipped from the blue eyes.
***
For the first time, she won a staring contest with House but she's not happy about it. Her victory was not sweet because she knows why he looked away. He didn't want her. Perhaps she should move on... perhaps. She turned towards the elevator, she needed to get away. Tomorrow she will deal with the realization that he is not the one for her. That he will never give her a chance to be a part of Gregory House. She should've seen it coming but even if she did, she would've done everything the same.
The tears that were threatening to fall finally slipped.
FIN |
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| My LJ is UP! |
[May. 25th, 2006|03:56 pm] |
Hello!
I'm new here and this is not my first post. However I opted to delete my first post to make this an all HOUSE MD space.
As you can see I've managed somehow to put up a nice all Hugh Laurie backgroud... eh? Barely. Since I'm new in LJ, I think that's one of the great achivements for the day. Hahaha..
Here are some icons from the series HOUSE MD :
1. House with glasses
2. Uh... me?
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